Anwesha Sengupta

Keywords: Fear and absentmindedness

In this series, there are six images which I created in an absent-minded state. It was only after each of them were completed that I was able to discern it as an image. During the process, I remember feeling aggrieved, helpless and afraid. I believe that by not actively thinking about what I was creating or even looking it at directly, I was able to let my fingers move in a certain “automatic” way guided by the feelings I was feeling. In each case the images took shape and became legible to some extent. I feel this process allowed a certain transference of the feelings into the image as the intensity of my feelings subsided at the end of this process. The act of drawing had a therapeutic effect on me. At the same time, it gave me deeper access to my mind.

These images reflect the fractured state of my mind. They were mostly created during 2015-2017 when I was under tremendous duress and was experiencing one of the most traumatic episodes of my life. Some of them were deeply personal and some instances of institutional discrimination. In most moments I felt a deep sense of helplessness. Yet the rage, the despair, the sadness and the hurt I felt grew each day and became so large that I could not contain it within me. It exuded through my fingers as I picked up what was closest to me – my phone and my laptop – and used my finger and the most basic application – either Paint or ‘Notes’ to just let my fingers run wild. I saw myself picking and combining colors I wouldn’t think can be combined. I kept at it until I felt I had transferred what I feel out of me onto that space.

Artist statement:

I hear my inner voice in a state of absent-mindedness. When I let my mind wander without any bounds, when I let an emotion fill up every part of my being, it is then that the colors and strokes ooze out from my hand on to the tablet where it leaves it’s traces. When I later see the images that form – it often bewilders me as I don’t remember the exact moment in which they formed but knowing it came from within – I get to know myself better – one image at a time.